mamanova

Lost my style

2011-09-27T09:00:00.004+01:00

Hallo lovelies!!

Yes, I'm sorry, I am a loser when it comes to blogging... but I am here and ready to share some thoughts with you today. It's my favourite time of year, nearly.... Autumn is my favourite season. From those years getting ready for school to start (sharpening pencils and dusting off satchels!) to my amazing days at the University of Leeds (picture above), I've always liked the beginning of the academic year. It has such hope and promise. The weather changes really subtly; a chill in the air begins, you reach for your scarf for the first time and wonder whether it's time to light the fire. The leaves start to turn and then it's just wonderful colour and crisp cold days with blue skies. Love it!

The only problem this year is I have a new companion that I'm not very fond of. She is residing around my middle and is rather tyre-like! When I was breastfeeding, I could eat like a horse and lost far too much weight, having trouble even fitting into a size eight. As soon as I stopped it all piled on, right around my middle. I'm now the heaviest I've ever been, but because I have such a small frame, carrying it round my middle looks very peculiar. I'm like a barrel!! Plus, I have no clothes that fit and most of what I have is scruffy or not suitable for autumn/winter. So, today's task is to go and buy some new clothes. With the help of my lovely friend Amy, who is ten years younger than me and always looks impeccably turned out, hopefully I can find some stylish and attractive clothes to help disguise this belly until such a time when I can lose it. I fear I am descending into a middle-aged mum frump phase and I need to halt this decline post haste.
I can then waft about campus looking all glamorous whilst discussing Derrida and coming home to watch art house movies and read Freud. Hahaha! Yeah right, coming home to read Thomas the Tank Engine books more like...

PJ Harvey

2011-09-07T20:31:00.002+01:00

So, so thrilled that PJ Harvey won the Mercury Prize for the second time. She is such an inspiration on so many levels; very glad to be writing my thesis on her work

Dreaming

2011-07-26T10:53:00.006+01:00

I've just joined Pinterest and have become a bit obsessed with it, which has meant I haven't blogged so much - sorry lovelies! But one thing I've noticed about Pinterest is that it shows you trends and themes in the things you like. It seems that I like beautiful places to write and sit and think; somewhere where there is a connection to nature. I think at heart I'm just a dreamer....

Picture via Marvelous Kiddo

Me and my Arrow

2011-07-10T11:42:00.002+01:00

Such a happy song from my childhood - Harry Nilsson's The Point is a classic tale of being different, acceptance and friendship. Thanks to my sis for reminding me of this today.

Also, we're thinking of getting a puppy soon *squeals*. Maybe we could call it Arrow?

Goodness, I'm a gardener!!!

2011-07-08T11:52:00.009+01:00

So, with our new house came our very first garden... it's huge! We're already quite overwhelmed with it and the amount to do, but I've managed to create one piece of lovely garden which is my very first. And it appears that *whispers*... I'm a gardener!

Most of these flowers and plants were grown from seed, which is amazing to me. I did get a lot of help from my mum - the gardening oracle - but I'm very very pleased with my efforts. Huzzah!

The Idler

2011-07-06T21:21:00.004+01:00

My first article for The Idler is now available! I'm waiting for my copy to plop through the letterbox - v exciting to be in such an illustrious line-up. The Idler has often been accused as being very male-centric, so this article is about women and idling, and aims to redress that balance somewhat

The Idler website says:

The issue explores the idea of small enterprise as an alternative to the nine-to-five, and contains a wealth of practical advice and inspiration for those who yearn to escape the rat race.

Idler 44 also offers an inspiring interview with Bill Drummond, who argues for the importance of taking responsibility for your own life, and just getting out there and doing it, which is, paradoxically enough, fully compatible with the idle ethic. This issue could have been called ‘the industrious idler’.

Other contributors include Toby Young, Robert Wringham, Sarah Boak and Penny Rimbaud. We also reproduce all twelve plates from William Hogarth’s Industry and Idleness series. There are fine illustrations by Clifford Harper, Alice Smith, Bronwen Jones and many more.

Just 1,000 copies are being printed of this first edition, which is bound in blue cloth, printed on heavy paper and typeset by Mr Brett.

Notelet

2011-07-02T13:18:00.002+01:00

Oh this notelet made me laugh too much this morning, thanks Vicky!

From Sapling Press via Coffees and Milkies

Garden delights

2011-07-01T10:41:00.002+01:00

We're enjoying the first fruits of our labour at the moment - nom nom!!!

The sound of summer

2011-06-28T08:30:00.003+01:00

Oh my goodness, Cults completely rock! This is the sound of my perfect summer band - old school bubblegum Dirty Dancing-esque 1950s inspired pop, with a lo fi rock-out edge. Soundtrack to my summer

via {frolic}

Can a doodle be art?

2011-06-26T22:47:00.010+01:00

So I'm - perhaps a little stupidly - about to embark on a 6 week experimental art e-course, having very very little 'artistic' experience and with quite a low sense of my own creativity or ability in the visual arts. The first assignment won't be posted until tomorrow, but I got my sketch book out tonight... and I didn't know what to do with it. Total fear of the blank page....

Then I decided just to start writing and drawing something, with no pressure or sense of having to be 'artistic'. I drew what I felt. A big scared face shouting out 'BLANK PAPER. AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!'. It was the kind of drawing I do all the time. It was a doodle. My friends and I do these doodles at the back of our lecture room during research seminars (they generally are drawings of glasses of wine with 'I neeeeeeed vino!!' underneath or pictures of how we might escape the room, in search of wine). But a doodle is not art, right? Then I thought, well maybe if it is, I could start here. In a place I know very well. With a doodle.

Here are some examples of very cool doodlings that most definitely are art.

Via cariblogger and richworks

Val Britton

2011-06-25T19:46:00.005+01:00

I'm a little bit in love with these wonderful collaged works by Val Britton (via Miss Moss)

2011-06-22T21:21:00.002+01:00

I love universities a bit too much - I'm fascinated by the sense of tradition mixed with politics and radicalism. I have spent nearly half my adult life in university settings (cripes)... Here are a few great university photos from the wonderful LIFE archives

Australian-born feminist author and journalist Germaine Greer makes her students laugh as she teaches a class on 17th century literature at University of Warwick, England, March 1971.
Photo: Terrence Spencer/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images
Mar 01, 1971

Freshmen John Sease and Beverly Cayford meet on a random couch which is being moved into the dorms at Princeton, New Jersey, 1969. Beverly is one of the first 101 female students to attend Princeton. Photo: Alfred Eisenstaedt/Time Life Pictures/Getty Images
Jan 01, 1969

Hippie poet Allen Ginsberg speaking at Kansas Univ.
Photo: John Loengard/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images
Jan 01, 1966

Irish author, scholar, and theologian C.S. Lewis (1898 - 1963) walks past a Magdalen College building at Oxford University, Oxford, England, 1946.
Photo: Hans Wild/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images
Nov 01, 1946

Songwriting

2011-06-05T14:08:00.001+01:00

Here's an amazing example of songwriting. Some wonderful lyrics in this tune. Am spending a lazy sunday listening to Shawn Colvin and the Indigo Girls and marvelling at their craft

New beginnings

2011-06-04T19:23:00.003+01:00

This past year has been a crazy one - notice the lack of posts, right?! - and I've been struggling with the demands that part-time lecturing has on my time. Marking, marking, marking for an intense six months of the year, then no work and no pay for the remaining six. It's been great not working in an office, not doing admin, not managing staff, but actually the lack of stability, and regular income have been problematic. Not to mention that marking hangs over into your home life so much... I miss being in a job where I can close the door at 5pm and leave my work there. So, this week I start two months of temporary administrative work at the University of Southampton, three days per week. And hopefully, if the interview goes well, I might get this gig permanently (if they let me stay part-time). The money is not as good as it needs to be to pay all my bills, but it's regular money. And hopefully what this job will give me is a bit more time. Sounds illogical, but it's time in the evenings and weekends that I need, to be able to write, research, make music and do all the other things that I want and need to do.

When these new sorts of beginnings come, I find it a really positive time to look at my life overall and see where I think things are going. This first spring in our new house has been amazing, and we've been doing so much in the garden. It's starting to look good now - though there is still masses to do, there *is* progress! - and we have a lovely seating area and some wonderful flowers starting to bloom. E has really been enjoying all the space and now has a climbing frame and slide, which keep him busy. So, this side of things is great. The woodsman, the boy and I are happy here.

There are two areas I'm not happy about. One is time - too many things to do, too many deadlines, not enough time. Hopefully the one job that I can leave behind at the end of each day should solve this. The second is health and diet. I've been so busy that I've been eating loads of junk, and it's really starting to show. So from next week, I'm trying to get back to some of my old good habits. Less booze, less caffeine, more fruit, veg and grains, herbal teas - basically more fresh food. None of that 'argh I'm at a train station and have 5 mins to eat, grab a bag of crisps!' thing that has been going on. And definitely no pain au chocolat for breakfast at the station any more!! To be honest, I won't miss it much. I'd rather make time to eat breakfast at home and have something tasty. E is up at 5.30am most mornings at the moment, so there should be plenty of time before I leave the house to get my breakfast. Novel thought, but perhaps I could get mine whilst he has his?! Oh, and also I've just found this site - 101 Cookbooks - with these delicious veggie recipes for some inspiration.

Finally, this Simple Living Manifesto has been providing me with some great ideas.

Now for watering the garden.... lovely job at the end of a hot, nearly-summer day

Photo by beauty that moves

Elegance at any age

2010-10-10T21:40:00.002+01:00

Now I never, ever look this elegant, even in my thirties.... this lady rocks this outfit. I can only dream.

via The Sartorialist

Doldrums

2010-09-25T13:43:00.003+01:00

I've been really miserable the last two days, and I can't quite explain it. Everything seems to be in a big old mess... boxes everywhere, moving date seems to be receding into the distance... every time I put a load in the dishwasher or in the washer another one seems to appear. I'm not keeping on top of the house, or on top of anything else right now. I've lost my diary - where I write all the reminders that I can't keep in my overstuffed brain - and lost any sense of organisation.

Yesterday was my last day at my 'office job' before I head out into part-time short contract world, a kind of transition step to unjobbing. I think maybe I feel sad because I put such an effort in for three years, to make things better there, and many of the academic staff didn't really even show any care that I was leaving. I did get some great vouchers for John Lewis, which was really generous, and a bottle of champers, but when I saw who had signed my card there was a distinct lack of academic staff on there. Just made me feel rubbish for battling and striving for three years, for nothing. But my boss and my other admin team who work in the offices next to me were great and we had a glass of fizz and a natter before I left.

Today I've been finding E really hard work. He seems to say 'no' to everything and doesn't listen when I ask him not to do things. He kicks me when I'm trying to change his nappy, climbs on the table when I have said not too, tries to get into the fuse box... he's just a bit wild at the moment, and I'm finding disciplining him difficult. I keep losing my temper, which I really don't want to do. I need to find a way of chilling out about it all.

I've got a lot coming up in the next two weeks. I'm registering at the new institution where I'll be doing my PhD, my teaching starts again, and I have some new teaching on a performance course. And of course the big house move. I wonder if my little brain can cope with all of this....

Image 'Young Girl Struck by Sadness' by Picasso

Beautiful Losers

2010-09-16T08:46:00.004+01:00

I recently watched the wonderful documentary 'Beautiful Losers' and was enthralled by listening to the late Margaret Kilgallen speak. Her work is absolutely stunning. I have often said that beauty is found in things that are off, or 'wonky', and that this imperfection is beautiful. She expressed that thought so much better than I could:

'I like things that are handmade and I like to see people's hand in the world, anywhere in the world; it doesn't matter to me where it is. And in my own work, I do everything by hand. I don't project or use anything mechanical, because even though I do spend a lot of time trying to perfect my line work and my hand, my hand will always be imperfect because it's human. And I think it's the part that's off that's interesting, that even if I'm doing really big letters and I spend a lot of time going over the line and over the line and trying to make it straight, I'll never be able to make it straight. From a distance it might look straight, but when you get close up, you can always see the line waver. And I think that's where the beauty is'

"Margaret Kilgallen" on Art:21, PBS.com, 2005 (via Wikipedia)

(Images via The Initiatives and Visualingual)

Magical childhood: tips for parenting

2010-09-14T13:39:00.006+01:00

I've been reading a wonderful article on parenting, which I wanted to share with you. It's given me a lot of encouragement that my journey as a mama is heading in the right direction and that I'm learning so much from spending time with E - we learn together and in a natural, unforced way.

As the author, Alicia, says

“…But more important, what parents need to know :
[…] Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them.”

Full article is available here .

Trying to build a magical childhood for my boy, trying to do the very best I can on that front.

(via Tralalere)

Vintage Vacations

2010-09-13T13:14:00.009+01:00

Oh my goodness, I'd just love a cozy winter holiday in this converted tin tabernacle, on the Isle of Wight. Isn't it stunning?

Via Vintage Vacations

Our new house!

2010-09-04T13:45:00.003+01:00

We're moving! I'm super excited, although there are a zillion things to do before we move in about four weeks. We've amassed so much stuff since we moved in here four years ago.

Our new place is the one on the left. The garden is HUGE with a big veg plot, a greenhouse and three sheds! We've never gardened before so it's a steep learning curve, but my mum has been giving me tips and hints to get us started and is always on the end of the phone. And I can always rely on good old Gardener's World too!! (I'm so middle aged but I love it!)

Beautiful Bossa Nova

2010-08-28T14:07:00.000+01:00

There is no other style of music so mesmorising, lovely and heartbreaking as bossa nova. This is a video from Joao Gilberto, whose voice could melt the coldest heart. It's a tune called Estate, and it's one of my favourites. There is such heart here...

Bump-a-licious

2010-08-26T20:28:00.002+01:00

This is just the cutest thing and I love some of the moves she pulls. Isn't pregnancy amazing

Magic- A Belly Grows from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo

Lost and found

2010-08-25T09:22:00.002+01:00

See this cheeky face?! This little monkey boy lost our car key this morning and mama has spent hours scouring the house. Dada woodsman had to take him off to nursery in the diesel-thirsty truck whilst mama hunted high and low. Then ensued a funny facebook conversation between my friends and I, where we recounted all the crazy places that our little ones had stashed things. My favourite was my friend's son who likes to put toys at the bottom of the milk carton!!

I searched his shape sorter, then down the toilet, down the sofa, in his toy box, in the keyhole at the back of the door.... I was losing hope of ever finding it... Anyway, after finding a cute little plastic pig poking out of our rice sack, I thought I'd try down the side of the fridge - bingo!! Now I can make some celebratory tea and toast and get on with some work - phew!

Baby doll for my boy

2010-08-23T13:34:00.007+01:00

I'm looking for a baby doll for E to play with. He's really been enjoying games we play where we comfort someone when they're sad, or pretend to change a nappy on a toy, or we cover up someone in a blanket. He goes to a day nursery 2 days a week and we've been hearing that he's been kissing and cuddling the smallest babies there. He's such a kind boy! I love that this is a really important side of his personality and asked him if he wanted a baby doll, to which he nodded yes, with his most serious face on. So now the hunt is on for the perfect doll. I love Charlie doll (top) with his cool outfits, from BlaBla. This big fuzzy haired doll is super funky and can be bought from Myriad Toys. I think my favourite dolls are by Bamboletta - the one at the bottom is called 'Sadie' - and they do custom dolls too, which is exciting!

Knitting project: baby cardigan

2010-08-21T10:56:00.003+01:00

I finished this baby cardigan for my friend's baby, Edward, a little while ago but only just got round to sewing up and pressing. I'm really pleased with myself as the pattern involved lots of things I'd not done before. All worked out beautifully. The pattern was '5 hour baby sweater' which I found on Ravelry and the yarn is Debbie Bliss Cashmerino Aran. Now.... what to knit next...?!

Family holiday

2010-08-06T12:19:00.011+01:00

E and I have had a lovely holiday, firstly at my cousin's wedding and then staying with my mum for a few days. Here are a few shots from our visit. E loves the park next to Grandma's house.

We liked poking about amongst the trees with sticks, and E did some adventurous climbing with Grandma!

We visited E's Great Great Auntie Marion, who is 92 years old. She is such a sweetheart - a real lovely kind lady. She's a very sociable person and though she can't get around much any more she's still as sharp as tack. E adores her!

We went for a walk down the pier at Southport - it was rather blustery!

We also saw E's cousin, Alex, and my sister, E's Auntie Abby. They are fun to be with!

We had such a lovely holiday and though we're glad to be back, we really miss everyone - especially Grandma... we hope to see her soon.

Knitting again

2010-07-27T15:27:00.004+01:00

I've started knitting again - hurray! I'm still quite a beginner, so every project I take on has some element of new learning in it. This time round I'm knitting a cardigan for my friend's new baby boy. It's in a lovely blue cashmerino aran yarn by Debbie Bliss. I'll post a photo when I've finished it.

The problem with knitting is that it makes me want to buy lots of yarn! Look at this beautiful yarn - aren't the colours amazing?

Yarn and Photo by yarnwench on Flickr

Book of the decade!

2010-07-25T13:42:00.003+01:00

If there's a book that sums up the last few years or so for me, it's How to be Free by Tom Hodgkinson. I re-read it regularly, and it's great to just dip into. It's anarchic, humourous, warm, and makes a whole lot of sense to me. It's a current read right now and partially inspired the radical move I've just made. Now all I have to do is dust off my ukelele......

Free at last!!!

2010-07-24T12:42:00.004+01:00

So... I quit my job!!! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Honestly, I can't tell you the liberation! And actually the prospect of frugal - and more mindful - living is kind of exciting me too.

Why I'm pleased:
Not having to do the 9-5 grind, not having 'an office'. Not having all those associated office politics (of which there were A LOT in my place). Not having to travel on trains and buses for hours and hours to get there to do something I don't even really enjoy.

Focusing on my family, creative pursuits - knitting, drawing, playing, learning - just living life at a more local level, a slower pace. Yes, I'll still be doing the lecturing, with it's associated piles of marking etc. but that's something I can control. I can choose which days I want to work. I can choose how many hours I want to take on. I can take on more one term, less the next. And if I run out of money I have to be creative about where I find some more.

I'm thrilled!!

Picture by Picasso, which I'm thinking of having as a tattoo to mark this occasion!

Life on the edge

2010-07-19T20:41:00.004+01:00

I'm about to take a big leap of faith. After being fed up of my job for some time now, I'm thinking of handing in my notice to spend more time at home with E. I will still need to do my part-time lecturing, but as that's neither all year round nor totally reliable that they'll have hours for me, it's a big risk. Particularly in these financial times. I'll have to find some bits and bobs of work across the year to make sure I can pay for E to go to nursery one day per week.

But to be honest, even if I end up selling all my stuff, busking in town every day, trying to live more frugally and carefully, I think it will still be a reaaaally positive thing.

Photo via rockclimbing.com

Down by the river

2010-07-12T13:34:00.003+01:00

E hasn't been swimming in his life, as I can't swim and am pretty scared of water. But this weekend we went with his (half) brother Jake, myself and the woodsman down to the River Itchen, near Itchen Abbas, and paddled in the shallows. It was such fun! E needed some persuading to get in but once in he didn't want to get out. Another family came for a paddle with their dog, who was *very* excited about the whole thing, and E kept shouting 'woof woof'. All great fun. We then popped in to see a friend who gave us a big bowl full of home grown raspberries. Jake - who is now 12 - said it was the best Sunday he's had in ages, much better than sitting and playing X Box!

Photo by sandlings on Flickr

Number-tastic

2010-07-10T14:00:00.005+01:00

E constantly amazes me! He's just about to turn 19 months this coming week, and his talking is really coming on. His words aren't very clear but he's starting to put together more and more two word phrases. This morning I could hear him chattering away in his cot, and then clear as day he said....

'one, two, three, four'!

I had *no* idea he could count! I mean, we do count things in books but not in a hardcore teachy sort of way... they just pick up things like sponges, don't they.

So, I think we might get him this funny, stylish print from sugarfresh just to celebrate his new counting skills!

Book of the week

2010-07-07T08:00:00.000+01:00

I've just started this book and, oh my word, it is wonderfully poetic. It's an absolutely thrillingly page-turner at this point too. Something terrible has happened on an ordinary street, on a summer day, but we don't know what. McGregor builds the suspense through tiny details and images. Amazing writing

'Late Summer' by Lyndn Gauntlett

2010-07-06T13:10:00.001+01:00

Here's a pretty tune that the woodsman wrote, with woodsman on piano and me on bass. We need to sort out our camera angles more so you can see us both.

Summer projects

2010-07-06T13:00:00.000+01:00

I love to have fun projects for the summer and am feeling the need to make a list. Listmaking is also something I love to do! Above is a photo of me with E (busily munching on rice cakes!) and his super fun cousin, doing some drawing. This summer we've done lots of drawing - E drew a lovely spider this morning, which he was pleased with as spiders are his favourite thing at the moment.

Here's some ideas of projects that I'd like to do - I shall keep you posted of my progress

plant up some herbs (we were given some very garish coloured plastic plant pots and some seeds, so I may as well plant them up for us to use)
make a hula hoop
learn to juggle (the woodsman is an excellent juggler and I'm sure could teach me no problems)
sew something (but what?? to decide - I'm a total beginner)

Let's see how I get on - can I stop procrastinating and actually do some fun stuff?

Unschooling

2010-07-04T20:06:00.001+01:00

I'm loving the creativity of toddlerhood and I'm really starting to think about unschooling as an option for us, as I want to keep this exciting/excited way of learning and exploring for E.
Not sure I could cope with some of the negative reactions I know we'd get, but we'd find ways to cope with those over time I think.

I've been doing a lot of blog reading recently and am finding more and more wonderful blogs that show really creative families and people living outside of the more accepted ways of living. You might say outside of the 'system'. Travellers, unschoolers, anarchists, deworkers, idlers, crafters, bloggers.... Gives me inspiration to read such things.

(Photo by the brilliant Amanda Blake Soule of Soulemama)

Cute boys tops

2010-07-01T17:37:00.001+01:00

Aren't these boys tops from Danefae adorable? I can see E roaming about and causing havoc, whilst looking super cute in one of these.

(Photos via Nordic Kids)

Driving

2010-06-28T15:33:00.001+01:00

I've been practising driving quite a bit this weekend, as I have a driving test coming up soon. I haven't really enjoyed learning to drive and I'm quite anxious in the test situation, so this will be my fourth time. But I *really* want some more freedom and independence. This photo says it all really. Wish me luck!!

Photo via Canyon News

China collection

2010-06-26T14:27:00.001+01:00

I love these pretty teacups that the woodsman found - perfect for a cup of Earl Grey in the summer sun

Women reading

2010-06-19T19:51:00.001+01:00

I came across this photo by Tom Hunter called 'Woman Reading a Possession Order' from 1998, which I hadn't seen in some time. It's based on Vermeer's 'A Girl Reading at and Open Window' and is a beautiful contemporary take on the old Master. Language is power...

(Photo by Tom Hunter)

Thirty-something wanderer

2010-06-17T10:52:00.000+01:00

The woodsman and I just finished watching SATC in its entirety for the second time. I love that show! And today I feel very much like Carrie Bradshaw. I've got the morning to myself and I've been wandering around town, a thirty-something gal with much more confidence to spend time with myself than I had when I was in my twenties. I had breakfast sat outside one of my favourite cafes, Cafe Monde, and the sun was shining. I'm now in the library, tip-tapping on my laptop and writing to you, dear readers.

Nail colour

2010-06-10T11:56:00.001+01:00

I love this shade of nail colour from Chanel - so chic!

Iceland rocks!

2010-06-09T14:50:00.000+01:00

As a massive Bjork fan, I've always wanted to visit Iceland - this video makes me want to go there even more! Love this track by Emiliana Torrini -I had no idea she was from Iceland. I studied Icelandic Literature and Culture for a year at uni, where we read Icelandic sagas. It's a place of real mystery and beauty.

(From Inspired By Iceland on Vimeo via the wonderful Cup of Jo)

Comfort food

2010-06-08T10:36:00.001+01:00

I'm ill. Boooooooo. At home with the little one, whilst the woodsman works, and feeling sorry for myself as E was up at about 5am this morning. He's having an early nap now and I'm thinking of ways to make myself feel better. Watching Masterchef last night we saw a lovely sorrel soup - doesn't this one look delicious? Enough to make any ill person feel just that little bit better

(Photo via fotobank.ru)

The meaning of life

2010-06-05T14:59:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I spend *far* too much time musing on the meaning of my life, whether I'm living the life that is most complete and most fulfilling. I had a bit of an epiphany the other day. It's nothing I don't already know, really, but something just made my thoughts crystalise on that day. The most important thing in my life - aside from family and friends - is music. Playing it, listening to it, talking about it. When I'm feeling morose, I use music to match my mood, to let me wallow in those feelings, or to lift me out of them. I use music when I can't express a part of myself. It defines me. And so whatever I choose to do with my life (no, I haven't decided yet, even though I'm nearly 35!) music must be at the heart of that. Here's a picture of me when I was doing a gig at the Brighton Festival, sitting and thinking during one of the instrumental numbers.

(Photo by Mat Thomas)

Oh so English

2010-06-03T19:51:00.000+01:00

There is nothing so English as a visit to a National Trust property! My mum and I always try to go somewhere nice when she visits, and this holiday we went to Mottisfont Abbey. The rose garden was heavenly, we went on a beautiful riverside walk and saw some extremely old and wonderful trees. Top that off with a slice of cake and an elderflower presse and you have a thoroughly English day.

(Photos by Dy Swindlehurst)

China collection

2010-06-02T10:21:00.001+01:00

As promised, dear readers - though a bit later than anticipated - here is an introduction to our vintage china collection. The woodsman has a great eye for beautiful old tableware and often brings me back little gifts that cost under a pound. Some are a classic style - like this lovely teapot - others are more retro/kitsch. I think this teapot is just darling.

(Photo by Dy Swindlehurst also known as my mummy!)

The woods

2010-05-24T12:39:00.000+01:00

Apologies for the hiatus, but the super sunny weather has meant we've been spending much time outside. Yesterday the heat got so unbearable that we rushed to the shelter of the woods. We had such a wonderful afternoon in the shade of some beautiful trees. E actually walked a really long way and mostly in the direction that we asked him to! He was lovely and well behaved, exploring sticks and moss and old leaves, and all things natural. The bluebells were nearly over, but here's a photograph from a couple of years back. The woods lift my spirit and refresh me

Lovely words

2010-05-19T19:49:00.000+01:00

Isn't this a beautiful print by artist Lara Harwood? I love words that make me smile and this print is inspired by the word 'gaudiloquent', which means 'speaking joyfully or on joyful matters'. It makes me feel joyous, just looking at it. It's from a brilliant exhibition called 'The Art of Lost Words' , which showcases design, typography and illustration inspired by forgotten words.

My friend Alison and I used to look up new words in the dictionary when we were at school, and we'd deliberately try to fit them into conversation, or into our homework. My favourite words at the moment are 'thrilling' and 'darling' (as in, 'isn't this a darling teapot?' - more on teapots tomorrow) and I shall try and squeeze them into conversation/writing as much as I can. I think they're ever so 1920's. Lovely words make me happy. What's your favourite word?

Maternal bodies

2010-05-18T12:37:00.001+01:00

I've got just over two months to finish writing my book chapter on maternal bodies in popular music and I've been thinking about space and the maternal/female form. Antony Gormley famously represents the interior and exterior spaces of bodies, but uses his own body as a template. He talks about 'the voided space of the body as a visible emptiness'. I wondered whether he ever thinks specifically about the female body - a sort of double void, a body with a womb - and how we might represent this doubled space. I'm interested in how he might approach the relationship between this visible emptiness and a concurrent emotional emptiness, and wondered whether a miscarrying body might be a particular embodiment that troubles our understanding of a single body, with clearly defined boundaries. I've written to him, to see if he might have a response to this.... I know he's a very busy man but I wonder if he will reply? Watch this space!!

This week's book: Rachel Cusk

2010-05-17T12:13:00.000+01:00

I've been doing a bit of ebay shopping and have finally got round to buying Rachel Cusk's A Life's Work . It explores some of the more difficult aspects of being a mother. Today I'm really feeling the need to read this, as I'm struggling with E a bit today. I feel lethargic and not really up for chasing an uncontrollable toddler around the place. Plus we seem to be hitting the terrible twos six months early, as he keeps throwing massive tantrums. It's days like these that you mourn for the pre-mama days... and whilst I wouldn't be without E, I think Cusk's book is brave enough to admit that motherhood can often be like this. We're allowed to feel feelings that may be seen, by others, as negative, selfish, lazy or egotistical. We mothers are just people, after all.

Jackrabbits

2010-05-12T11:42:00.001+01:00

I am a little bit in love with Joanna Newsom after her amazing performance of 'Jackrabbits' on Jools Holland. She was a musical revelation in a sea of dross, with such great lyrics. She reminded me a little of Regina Spektor.

Isn't this photo super stylish too?

Photo via Stereogum

Melamine

2010-05-11T13:27:00.000+01:00

I'm looking for some melamine bowls for E, as he's just mastered eating with a spoon. I normally put food on his highchair tray, unless it's really messy, but you can't use a spoon that way. So we need more bowls. I haven't yet found any bowls I really like, but aren't these plates from Pinks and Green just gorgeous? I think this is a 1950's style design - feel free to correct me here, I'm no expert - and I really love the old school feel.

If anyone can point me to some funky melamine bowls, then please post a comment below

Photos via Not on the High Street

Mo' pedal power

2010-05-11T12:25:00.000+01:00

My woodsman has just bought a 1967 Raleigh Wisp and is on his way back from picking it up. I gather it's a bit tatty and needs some work, but I'm hoping when he's done it will look like this fine specimen.

The woodsman already has a 1958 Norman Nippy so this now means he has a moped collection, now there are two in the family. Norman is (obviously) a boy, but methinks the Raleigh Wisp might be a girl. Maybe when I get my license I'll show her around town...

Photo via Moped Army

Beautiful breastfeeding

2010-05-10T12:47:00.000+01:00

One of my favourite blogs for all things mama is Marvelous Kiddo. Leigh is the writer of the blog and is pro-home birth and pro- breastfeeding, so we're very much on the same wavelength. I had E at home, which was a fantastic experience, and breastfed for just over a year.
I love to see positive images of breastfeeding, so here are a couple via Marvelous Kiddo. The first is a beautiful illustration, the second is an advert to support breast cancer research fundraising.

Illustration via Les Petits Papiers d'Annette Marnat

Displaying pretty things

2010-05-09T11:44:00.000+01:00

Our flat is a tip! The woodsman and his penchant for vintage china means that every surface is covered with stuff. It's all lovely, but you can't see it properly as it's all stacked in a higgeldy-piggeldy mountain. I really need to find some good ways to display things. I love these shelves for beautiful vintage china. Maybe I can get him to knock some up this weekend??!

Photo via prettychicky.com

Rockin' out

2010-05-08T12:00:00.001+01:00

In my very serious quest for more fun in my life, I've been rockin' out and doing some serious air guitaring to baby darling doll face honey by Band of Skulls. I am LOVING this album so much! I'd heard their stuff on the radio and ordered the CD online, but I didn't know anything about them. So pleased to find out that the bassist is a woman - Emma Richardson - and that she painted the amazing album artwork. Go the girl bassists!! Makes me want to swap my double bass for an electric one, that's for sure.

Every woman needs a place to think

2010-05-08T11:33:00.000+01:00

So I was walking down the South Bank on a rare trip to London, and I came across this bench. It reminded me of Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own which had such an impact on me when I was 18 and at Uni the first time round (can't believe that's 16 years ago now - wow!). It's funny that now, as a 34 year old woman, I still feel the need for a space of my own and somewhere to think. It seems that as women we don't always get space, and perhaps even more importantly time. With the expectation on us that we will look beautiful, we spend - to differing degrees - time on our clothes, our hair, our appearance. We are told our houses should be beautiful too, and in our domestic arrangements women often shoulder the greater cleaning/tidying duties, in unbalanced relationships. We are told that in this allegedly post-feminist day (don't get me started on postfeminism, dear reader!) that we have have our cake and eat it, but in amongst doing the childcare, cleaning the house, going out and having our careers and looking as fierce as we possibly can, we lose our most precious asset - time.

Since E was born, nearly 17 months ago, I've been struggling for balance in my life. I'm trying really hard to find something that works for us as a family, but that allows me to retain some sense of who I am. This blog is one part of this search. I feel that I need to cultivate space and time in my life. And in that space, I need to find the creative part of me again. Music, design, art, culture. In short, a life that cultivates beauty. Writers like Virginia Woolf and Helene Cixous talk about women finding their creative selves; actively seeking time and space to do so. And this might all start from finding yourself a place to sit, a place to think.

Photo via ruburton on Flickr